Comings and Goings

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Comings and Goings

The holidays are upon us. It’s a time when we plan to have a break, spend time with those we love and relax. As we lose awareness of ourselves, things change in a mad dash to January 1st. How do the days fill with wrapping gifts, baking cookies or preparing the ‘right’ foods in a frenzy rather than a gathering of connection and joy? In all the busyness, not only do many of us forget to attend to ourselves, we also forget the comings and goings. In the forgetting of these things we are sidelined, ending up much more overwhelmed then we need to be.

What do I mean by comings and goings? From an early age, we create mechanisms within ourselves to cope with how our parents left and returned to us. For some of us that was uneventful, for others, very tumultuous. Regardless of how easy or hard it was on us then, it has an effect on us now. Take a look at your transitions lately. Is it easy to say hello to a parent, child or friend that you haven’t seen for a while? Or right at that time does your world fall apart, you forget about multiple appointments or you injure yourself? Is it easy to say goodbye to a loved one or do you find yourself crying for days or start a big argument with someone you love dearly. These are good realizations. In the knowing can you appreciate when you were young, you found just the right way to get your needs met? But now you can find a healthier way.

How can we make those transition times a bit easier? Awareness. Be aware of what is happening now and be clear about what is most important to you in this moment. Let go of the expectations you put on yourself or those expectations you feel others have put on you. You are what matters first. Check in with yourself and move on from there.

How can we receive support from our partner or our family? Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy® (PACT) says, “The way you settle and reunite with your partner when coming and going from home is important for creating a secure connection. Consider connecting with your partner via a hug or some physical touch whenever you leave your partner to go to school, work, or wherever. Similarly when you come back home, seek your partner out and connect again before launching into other tasks.” This is simple enough, but it does take awareness.

In this time and in this moment, be aware of where you are and what you need. In the comings and goings, search out your partner, family member or friend and connect with them in a way that feels right to you. Then notice how you feel right now, enjoy the grace and ease in the moment and let that remind you to continue for the next time.

We are approaching the end of the year. Deductibles have been met. Now is a great time to come in, put yourself first, deepen your awareness and remind yourself of how to connect to this beautiful body of yours. A body that holds amazing compensatory patterns, tension, and feels pain but does have a deep inner knowing of health. Sometimes a gentle reminder, is all it takes to redirect the healing journey. Schedule an appointment, I would love to see you!

Peace and blessings to you here and now,